As If Things Aren’t Bad Enough, Schilling Making It Worse is not a Devil Ray

According to the notes in The Boston Globe, Curt Schilling would love to play in Tampa next year. Apparently, he loves the area, having lived there for several years- loves the Trop- because you know you’re going to play every night- and loves the young pitching staff the Devil Rays have. Curt, get a life. You’ll never wear a Devil Ray uniform. Never! First of all, the front office isn’t going to shell out all those American Dollars you’ll want, and secondly, there will be no room in the rotation next year for you- we’ll be THAT GOOD! Why not worry about this year, perhaps, setting your sights on winning 11 games. You bum!

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Happy Birthday, India, is a Devil Ray

Somehow emerging out of the gnarled stump of Churchill’s cigar, India, we think, is celebrating its 60th birthday today. Churchill, an unmitigated racist, sought to hold onto India for eternity. Alas, it was not to be. Happy Birthday, India!

In other news, we walloped the Red Sox today. The only bad news- the Yankees lost.

Typical, Typical, Typical is a Devil Ray

God, why have you forsaken me? Your only son (of Wade Boggs). I mean, at some point just give me a break, could ya? The Red Sox picked up a game on the Yankees last night as they exploded in the 9th. inning, kicking Al Reyes in the ass, and scoring 2 runs to win. Mike Lowell homered and that was followed by Captain Varitek hitting a double, and then, being driven in by Private Crisp. I imagine General Schilling cheered, as did my dinner guest, a diehard Red Sox fan. And this, after I fed her… These Red Sox fans have no shame! Luckily, there is another game tonight.

The Narrative Looping is a Devil Ray

We lost a tough game last night at Fenway. Tim Wakefield, pitching in the soup, held us hitless until the 7th. inning. His knuckleball was fluttering into the strike zone from every imaginable angle. We battled but just came up short, and that, after a very long flight into Boston from Texas and problems with the hotel fire alarms here in Boston. What was quite clear is that the Red Sox are walking on eggshells. With the Yankees winning in Baltimore and their lead down to 4 games, this is suddenly a very tight team. We’ll get them tonight for sure and if the Yankees can hold up their end of things this lead will be down to 3 games by 10:30 tonight. Sweet Caroline!

Eric Gagne is not a Devil Ray

It’s probably clear right now that Theo isn’t a genius. He single-handedly destroyed the Red Sox bullpen by adding a guy that they didn’t need just for the sake of making a move. Where’s the laugh track when you need it? And yeah, Gagne can’t handle the pressure cooker of an AL East race, sorry Theo. You should of called me first. Of course, I’d of told you to pick up Eric Gagne knowing full well that you needed a bat, or two. Now your lead is down to 4 games and you play the mighty Devil Rays tomorrow and its payback time. So, what happened to that 14 game lead, folks? That 14 game lead that led Red Sox Nation to believe that the Yankees were dead and buried? I’m wondering?

The Friday Breakdown is a Devil Ray

With the stock market rumbling up and down over our heads like an old wooden rollercoaster, baseball wends its way through its schedule undisturbed. Fiscal ruin may be just around the corner, but for some, the only words that matter are “Play Ball”.

The Devil Rays knocked the Tigers out of their wildcard berth for the moment by winning the final 2 games of that series. Being reduced to giantkillers is perhaps just what this team needs right now. And starting on Monday, when the Rays play the Red Sox again, there might be no better time to flex our muscles. Imagine if the Red Sox’s lead is down to 3 games by Monday, just imagine. Will the Devil Rays knock the Red Sox out of 1st. place? Will they?

Feline Destruction is not a Devil Ray

Hmm… Barry Bonds finally broke the home run record. Big deal, we say. What is really newsworthy this morning is the fact that the Red Sox are sinking fast. While there is nothing remotely likable about Bonds, the confederation of players and fans known as Red Sox Nation makes Barry look like Mother Teresa ( and given her views on contraception, in say, the overcrowded slums of India, is no saint in my book anyway. In fact, she might be the Curt Schilling of saints. Meaning, her good works might not get her into the Hall Of Fame. Is she a saint anyway? Is sainthood like the Hall of Fame?). In any event, the Red Sox now have a bullpen they don’t need because they aren’t scoring enough runs to make a bullpen matter much. And all this, with the Yankees rumbling into view and now just 5 games back with 2 months to play. What do you think is going to happen?

Devil Rays are getting mangled by the Tigers, someone call the game warden. please.