The Final Four is a Devil Ray

Carl Crawford would start on any of the remaining 4 teams. Life’s unfair, get used to it. Some of us can barely walk and chew gum at the same time. Not Carl, along with having a new series of poems in The Oxford Collection of Modern Poetry, Carl, would light up these youngsters if just given the chance (those damn NCAA rules, more commonly called “The Devil’s Handbook.”). We’re partial to East Coast Ball, so look for Georgetown to go all the way. The sham that is Ohio State ends today. But don’t open your wallet based on anything you read here- we picked Wisconsin to win it all. That was a long time ago.

UPDATE: The crow just came out of the oven. We’ll be sitting down to eat shortly.

Rajon Rondo is a Devil Ray

And no, he’s not a Serbian war criminal. This ultra-feisty Celtic’s guard is a throwback type. You could easily imagine him running between Greg Kite’s legs at practice at Hellenic, while the entire team laughed, except for Larry; who was leaning on a basketball that was between him and the wall, and talking to the security guard about fishing. Am I awake? Is it 1985? Nice player, this Rondo. Just don’t get too attached to him. Danny will trade him for a Serbian big man, who’s father is actually a war criminal. No Tommy Points for Slobodan, though.

Manny Ramirez is a Devil Ray

You read it here first; Ever since he was a little boy the only thing that Manny has wanted to do was play left field for the Yankees. Everything else has just been one long sulk. Having grown up in the Bronx, could he have wanted anything else? Imagine the numbers he’d put up if he were even mildly engaged. What’s not to like about a player that has the Russian word for peace (Mir) stuck firmly in the middle of his last name. Shame on those that say, Nyet, Manny. Shame!

Pat Tillman is a Devil Ray

Now, with the last chapters complete, we understand that there was a cover-up surrounding Tillman’s death, no surprises here. Throughout history, young men have marched off to war with their spirits high and body’s intact. Many never returned. And many that did manage to make it home, were crushed by their experiences. Tillman met the enemy and discovered that they were other hastily trained, expendable young men, just like himself. In Tillman’s case, an old British saying from the First World War applies: They fought like lions and were led by donkeys…

The Boston Globe is not a Devil Ray

In today’s Baseball Preview, 4 Globe sportswriters picked the Devil Rays to finish last in the AL East. For shame! But what did you expect? The Globe has more respect for Mitt Romney. And that’s not saying much. These part owners of the Red Sox toe the company line. Bob Ryan expects a brawl or two, and we suspect he may be right. Punks!

Russia is not a Devil Ray

Russia is in worse shape than the Red Sox farm system. Makes Jersey City seem like Brattleboro. Slated to finish last in the American League East, this unruly team can expect a season plagued by political killings, starvation, and as Queen Victoria called them- “Little Wars.” Their manager rules the clubhouse with an iron fist, and small containers of polonium. This team is like watching a series of Soprano’s out-takes. Lenin is rolling over in his grave, I mean, tomb. He had high hopes for the Moscow 9…

Delmon Young is a Devil Ray

Most so-called experts predict that Young will hit 20 home runs this year. Clearly, they have him confused with Willie Mo Pena. Young could have 20 dingers by mid-July, in our opinion. This is the year where expectations are met. No excuses. And Young understands this and will lead the charge in every game. Simply put, a natural.