School Bus, Dump Truck Collide is not a Devil Ray

Just grab a headline, any headline. The Devil Rays have an early game at Baltimore today and then head up to Boston for a weekend series. The Red Sox must be sick that this pitching staff is coming back so soon.This is now a battle for first place, folks! A steel cage death match. Rays will sweep again, opening a trap door that the weak-hitting Red Sox will fall through and plummet into 4th place in the division.

Stay tuned for our MONEYMAKER PONYSHAKER Kentucky Derby pick. We’re right every year.

The First Place Devil Rays is a Devil Ray

We’ve been laughed at a lot, and I do mean a lot, over these last few years. And frankly, at times, it did seem like we had a sword in our belt and there were windmills on the distant hills. But we kept our nose to the ground because there were signs that this baseball club was on the move. And on the move, it is. And all this with the bats silent. We took this weekend’s series the old fashioned way: with pitching, defense, and clutch-hitting. Now, it looks like the Upton boys will face off in the World Series. How sweet would that be?

Spreading The Glove is a Devil Ray

3arl 3rawford, BJ Upton, and Jason Bartlett, all made plays with their gloves last night that prevented runs from being scored, Bartlett twice. 3rawford had two triples, 3 hits, and a stolen base. He also scored the winning run in the 11th. What? What? 3arl said after the game, “Love thou neighbor, as long as thou neighbor isn’t a Red Sox.”

The Tampa Bay Devil Rays sit atop the American League East this morning in third place.

Grizzled Veterans Of Hate — Start Your Engines, is a Devil Ray

First meeting of this intense rivalry is just hours away. The flu-ravaged Red Sox just fluttered in and a three game series starts tonight. This is a tale of two cities, my friends. The Red Sox just got kicked around by the Angels and we did the same to Toronto (kicked them around, that is). With the drone of the NBA playoffs in the background, this series will capture the hearts of millions of baseball fans. It is sloppy vs. neat. Felix vs. Oscar. Old Europe vs. our newest and staunchest allies, the Poles and Ukrainians. Flat Wafer City vs. Centcom Citizens. Enjoy!

Bird Flu Rocks Red Sox is a Devil Ray

The Bird Flu is crawling through the Red Sox clubhouse. Dice-K was scheduled to start tonight against the Angels but was struck down (smite!). We’d be prepared to pretend that we are concerned but for the fact that we secretly hope that that little feathery hatchling that plays second base for the Red Sox, you know, the one with that little man’s Napoleonic Sneer plastered on his face, begins sweating red droplets of blood.

Red Sox lose to the Angels!

For Shooty is Das Booty is a Devil Ray

In Chicago last weekend there were over 30 shootings and 9 people killed. But yeah, we have the right to bear arms, yeah right. Frankly, most of you aren’t smart enough to walk down the street and chew gum at the same time.

Bang! Roy Halladay was cruising tonight, until he wasn’t. A certain future Hall of Famer 3rd baseman said, “Excuse me, Roy” and that, my friends, was that. Funny to think, but seasons hinge on games like this. Devil Rays beat Toronto, 5-3. Das Shooty is Das Booty!

Making Yourself Bitter is not a Devil Ray

First, it was Nixon’s Silent Majority, then, Reagan Democrats, then, Swing Voters. What’s it all mean, you ask? Just that a good 50% of Americans are pretty stupid. If you were to take Nixon, Reagan, two Bushes, and I’ll even throw in Jimmy Carter, that’s 31 years of American Presidents in the last 40 years, or so, that were criminal, senile, dim stupid, dull stupid, and criminally stupid. That’s quite a track record, America! Now, let’s keep up the good work. Why break with tradition? Let’s get another Republican in the White House ASAP. So, keep voting for Hillary, will ya!

Devil Rays cronked the Blue Jays last night. And in Pencilneckvania, Hillary cronked Obama. Now I’m bitter. Cling to your guns, your god, and your Beef Jerky…

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